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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.