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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.