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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”