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You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.