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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
We think therefore we must be, but are we?