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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.