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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe