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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
It´s never to late to be happy