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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."