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Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.