Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.