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It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.