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I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
I play hard to get along with.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.