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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes