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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
This century is already 15% over.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there