Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject