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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Iām a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.