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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.