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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Iām sick of closing out every job interview with āI was young. I needed the money.ā
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, Iām calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.