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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.