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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
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