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I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)