Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?