Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.