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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.