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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....