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Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Serving size ?? LMAO
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.