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I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!