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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.