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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.