Daily Silly Status

My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.

Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.

I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?

My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.

I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.

I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.

I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.

If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.

I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.

When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.

When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people

I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.

Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."