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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
This status has been censored by Facebook
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?