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Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.