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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.