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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.