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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
I give myself the best presents.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.