Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you