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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.