Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?