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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.