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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Reincarnation is my only hope.