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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.