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I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.