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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
why we do not have a romance class...............