Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep