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I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...