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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
You can`t be late until you show up