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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.