Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"