Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
only 9530 days until retirement.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.